This gyro tastes like lonliness
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
