Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
