My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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