What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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