everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
