And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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