He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
