hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
