i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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