Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
