I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
