I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
