I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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