Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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