I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
