New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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