I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
