Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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