When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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