P.S. I can't hear my feet
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
