So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
