How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
