U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How's work?
Spinning.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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