you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
