Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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