i don't like sucking hair
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Oh god it's open bar.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
