i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's blow job season.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
