Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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