why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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