Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
there is puke in my bra ... again
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
