He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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