like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
