Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
