Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
