I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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