I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
