just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
