There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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