Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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