seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
