i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
