I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
