I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
