Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
