david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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