It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
