Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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