I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Damn victory sex feels great
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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