I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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