Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
