Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
