The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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