yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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