That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
