Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
