She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
