the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
