i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
