my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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