I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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