Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
