now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
