Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
