I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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