even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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