Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
