remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
