Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
