Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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