my phone needs a breathalizer
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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